hell yes lets make some ravioli
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
