Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
