I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
