Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
