remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
