I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize