I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
