i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
