is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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