And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
