sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
