She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
