i dedicated my morning wood to you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
