there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
