about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
