the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
