I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
