What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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