i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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