you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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