If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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