What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't deserve a penis
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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