Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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