The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize