my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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