I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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