she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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