I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
