I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
