I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
