No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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