this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
