$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
