She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
