And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
