I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
