I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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