I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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