yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
