you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
