i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
