i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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