garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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