I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
