Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Randomize
