Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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