she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
