if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
