I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
