Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I pour the whiskey from now on
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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