Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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