there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
