You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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