If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
