your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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