Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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