im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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