I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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