You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
