Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
